Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
