He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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