After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize