you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im six kinds of drunk right now
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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