We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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