Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
