awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
