Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
