i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
