pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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