I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
