is your mom at the bar?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
