He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
