I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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