I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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