I am puke
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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