Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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