You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
