His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
