He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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