why didn't you poke me back
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
