I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my poor anus
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize