It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
