if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
