he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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