someone get that fucking seahorse.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
