Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
