I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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