drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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