I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
