I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
