i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize