can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize