Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
