Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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