drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
