no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
