is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
