How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
