please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
