Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
