Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize