I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
