half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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