he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
