they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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