sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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