I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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