I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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