Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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