textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
