I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
