I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
