I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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