I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
