I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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