His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
