trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just gift wrapped bread.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
