Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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