Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
