what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
