I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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