i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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