I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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