Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
