plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
