Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
