why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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