I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
