I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
